or: grown-up-talk on the porch with a 5 year old.
The other day I had a serious conversation with the big kid. She was really sad since „I never EVER get what I want“… (she wanted to ride the bike but her sister was riding it and she also tends to exaggerate)
„well.. welcome to my world, I’m not always getting what I want, either.“
„like… Ryan Gosling?!“
„who’s Lan Isling?“
So she asked again: „What is it you want and won’t get?“ (why do kids need explanations for everything?)
so I told her…
„I had this huge fight with my friend the other day, and all I want is that we’d be friends again“
„Well.. maybe you should talk to him?“
„Maybe… the thing is… I don’t think talking will do it. He just doesn’t want to be my friend anymore“
„I could talk to him. I could help decide who win’s the fight“
„Well, we didn’t really have a fight, so there’s nothing to win or lose. He just stopped being my friend“
„I think you should be friends again.“
„Could you help me pray for my friend, she is sick and I really want to go on a playdate with her… maybe I could help and pray for you and your friend so you could be friends again. That would be a good thing to do, wouldn’t it?“
I just sat there and started to cry. (thank god I have celebrity glasses to hide the tears!!!)
I wish it was that easy. I wish I could just talk to him and be friends again.
When you’re a kid and you’re having a fight with your friend, your Mommy tells you to say „Sorry“. So you say „Sorry I took your toy. I won’t do it again“, your friend says „I forgive you“ you hug and that’s it. As if nothing ever happened.
When you’re a grown up it’s not as simple. You need to talk about it. Over and over again. You have to say sorry and you have to mean it. And you have to forgive and believe that the other one really is sorry and that he won’t do it again… and that’s the toughest one.
To forgive doesn’t mean to forget, it just means to not hold it against your friend anymore. And you have to trust again. (I hate that part!)
I said some really bad things to my friend, things I didn’t mean at all. I just said them, because I was so upset.
My friend said some really mean things too, I really hope he didn’t mean either, since they really hurt my feelings. And I just want to say sorry, and I want him to say sorry to me, so we can forgive each other and be friends again.
But that’s not gonna happen. Because this is the real world and not some cheesy chickflickmovie with Ryan Gosling as the main character.
And that’s part of what growing up means. To realise that and to accept that. And realizing that sometimes hurts. A lot. Sometimes you just have to let go and move on.
This song of the beautiful Swedish singer Melissa Horn expresses really good what I’m feeling:
„I can’t decide whether I want to get rid of you or be with you or hurt you„